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Jen’s and Kris’s Top 25 Signs of M/M Twu Wuv

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M/M TWU WUV?

M/M TWU WUV?

I was going to write a serious post today but this was so hilarious that I decided to run this joint post instead (with permission) because I know that not everyone who drops by this site visits Jen’s and Kris’s blogs and vice versa.

 As you know, my friends Jenre and Kris have wicked senses of humour and they also love to read M/M. Since they have all the free time in the world they decided to diagnose the signs of true love (or as they call it, twu wuv) in M/M books, and they posted this intriguing guide to M/M Twu Wuv. Authors beware, this may cause you to change your ways and your entire writing style.:) M/M readers, this may give you your best laugh this week. So here goes:

Jenre: Ah yes. Twu wuv.

 That moment when you realise that the vague feelings you were experiencing towards this other person is actually a full on forever and ever and hearts and bunnies and flowers and growing old together feeling. Awww. Isn’t it cute?

However, for the discerning reader of m/m, certain clues can be picked up throughout a book which flags up instantly that the two heroes are destined for twu wuv. So my good buddy Kris from ‘Kris n Good Books’ and I have come up with a list of these clues so you, the reader, may never again be unsure that the heroes in your m/m books are destined to be together.

Kris: “Twuuuuuuu Wuvvvvvv.” Yes, we all know this is something the mostly dead Westley moaned about Buttercup, but what would he have said or done or thought if it was Inigo Montoya who was his soul mate? Ever thought of that? Really, you haven’t?? But what about all the thrusting, etc in their sword fight scene? It fair sizzled with sexual tension and BDSM overtones. Maybe it’s just me again. *sigh*

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes. Twu wuv. So my mate Jenre from ‘Well Read’ and I put together this list of warning signs when reading m/m to either prepare yourself or avoid altogether that sickly sweet, sugar rush feeling. Aww, who am I kidding, we… well, most of us… get warm and steamy when we realise that the heroes were meant for forever-style lovey doveyness. That’s why we read romance after all. *g*

So, here it is. Our Top 25 “You know it’s Twu Wuv whens…”:

1. He can swallow your enormous cock down to the root without gagging

2. You’re a top and he’s a natural bottom

3. Having sex instantly heals you of all psychological problems

4. You go from manslut to insta-fidelity

5. You feel compelled to get a wash cloth and clean him up after sex

6. You cuddle after sex even though you usually hate the cuddling stuff

7. You stop trolling the bars and want to stay at home and watch TV with him

8. You swallow when it’s always something that you’ve refused to do before

9. All of a sudden you’re insisting he go bareback when it’s always been a thing that someone (unsuccessfully) has tried to get you to do in the past

10. Although you’ve always been a top/bottom before, you are willing to switch for him for the rest of your life

11. You want to come out of the closet for him and shout your love to the four corners of the world

12. He’s the only man that you’ve ever wanted to have sex with

13. Even though you prefer doggy style you want to do it missionary so you can watch his face while he/you fuck you/him

14. You can come a gazillion times in one night without suffering the effects of severe dehydration

15. Body modification suddenly becomes a way of proving your devotion

16. And so does purchasing stock in Crisco

17. You have the longest, hardest orgasm of your life the first time you have sex (and on every subsequent occasion)

18. You’re a Dom and he has a, hitherto undiscovered, desire to be a sub

19. The fact that he wears women’s underwear turns you on even though you’ve never liked it in your men before

20. Developing a taste for rosebuds, especially after bareback sex, is your new favourite fetish

21. The fact that he is technically dead is a big turn on

22. Even if you haven’t seen him for years you fantasise about him whilst having sex with other men

23. You’ve known him for 2 days and yet you are prepared to quit your job and move to the other side of the country to be with him

24. When you meet again after 5-15 years of separation following a Big Misunderstanding, family interference and/or amnesia you realise that you’ve never stopped loving him despite having 3 long term relationships and countless hook-ups in the interim

25. You come simultaneously

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45 comments

  • It was definitely a fab post! And, looking over the list once again, I’m remembering how exasperated #23 can make me as I encounter it over and over in my reading (we need some realism, please!)

    • I have to admit #23 is one of my pet peeves for the romance genre in general. I’m always amazed at how many characters seem to fall in love sometimes only hours after knowing the other person.

  • 5. You feel compelled to get a wash cloth and clean him up after sex. Do people really do that in real life??????
    Great Post.

    • Hi JFM
      Yep, just watch those life threatening injuries just heal of their own accord once the mighty dong comes out to play. I’m also always amazed at how these men can get a hard-on despite excruciating pain.

  • 23 is a tricky one, because I’m a romantic and think you can fall in love at first sight with someone. But it should still take some time for the character to come to terms with such strong feelings.
    I’d think if a character is ready to run off with someone they just met, then that has to be because there’s something they are trying to escape from, and this person is just the best candidate, who’s shown up at the right moment. Which is cool, but the story should deal with the consequences of that.

  • Need a link for a No. 16 story (utterly new notion and it needs to be explored)!

    Thank you, no-one pokes fun as well as those who do so with love. 🙂

  • JFM
    I want a healing cock. I really, really want one because I need some healing sex.:)

    Re No.5, do you know any guys who are so fastidious that they would not only wipe themselves off but their partners as well? Most men have a difficult time loading the dishwasher and picking up a wet towel.

    • Mistry: For a little Crisco action try Ally Blue’s Where the Heart Is. 🙂

      I just realized that its tad scary that I knew the answer to your query instantly. Ack! I’d think that’s not something a good girl like me should know about. *innocent look*

      • Tam: and there was I wondering how to answer Mistry’s question without seeming like a perve and you’ve done it for me. Hee hee. Mind you I have the excuse that I actually reviewed the book and therefore *had* to read the crisco scene, even if I did read it going ‘ooh…ouch…urgh’ whilst trying to cover my eyes and read at the same time. lol!

  • I completely lampshaded number 3 in a piece. A character announces “There are some things even Teh Healing Buttsex can’t cure.” (yes, he says “teh”)

    I do worry about 23. The Love at First Sight can work, but it doesn’t always work out WELL. My mother has a tendency to marry men after knowing them 3 months…it’s not pretty. I’d like to see something like that in fiction, even without an HEA.

    • A character who says ‘teh’ and takes the mickey out of healing butt sex is one that I’m already half-way in love with Angelia. Pimp it to me, plz.

      I always have to suspend disbelief when it comes to reading #23 in a story. Yeah, it’s all romantic and stuff, but does it work in RL?? The cynic in me has a hard time believing it will result in a HEA.

  • Absolutely awesome! Too true. You just gave a list of literary devices used within m/m writing. Well some of them! Or literary trends! Depends on how you look at it!

    • Hey, don’t diss Crisco. It’s great for frying chicken. So just heat that boy up again, stick some chicken where the Crisco residue is, wait for the pop and sizzle . . . then go set the table! (I would suggest a picnic on his washboard abs, as long as they don’t ripple too much.)

    • Thanks Larissa! Jen (aka Pookie Bear) and I had a fun time creating this list.

      Since Jen and I, well, mainly me (she’s away at the moment so I get to pick on her), are trendsetters I’m leaning more towards this list consisting of literary trends. 😉

  • “I’m wondering how this suddenly turned in to a discussion about BDSM. Oh wait. It’s K Z. Figures.”

    I beg your pardon? There’s nothing of that element at all. Just body heat and anatomical assets put to good use. A chicken leg is much smaller than a fist, after all.

    Wave doesn’t need any meanies, haters, and dirty birds here. Pookie Bear is okay, though. She’s NICE.

    • Hun, you were talking about eating friggin’ hot, fried chicken off some poor pretties’ washboard abs. If that ain’t oil play, I don’t know what is!

      And, can I just say if I read about food sex by fried chicken leading to rosebud licking, I, and every single m/m romance reader, will be blaming you.

      “Pookie Bear is okay, though. She’s NICE.” Yeah. What’s your point.

    • Diane
      Please don’t let Kris and KZ spoil you. I don’t know how all of a sudden we’re talking about Crisco, sticking fried chicken where the sun don’t shine, eating off washboard abs and rosebud licking. I think you should close your eyes whenever comments like these come up in the discussion.:)

  • Kris and Jen
    I think you forgot a couple*g*

    Did I tell you that I have difficulty in the vegetable section now every time I see mushrooms because I remember all those “mushroom heads”? Is there another way to describe that part of a cock rather than by referring to my favourite vegetable?:) Also, have you noticed that all cocks in M/M books are heavy? Does someone actually weigh them to check whether one is heavier than another? What is the average weight of a cock? 1 kg? Does anyone know? *g*

    • Wave, people are now not going to be able to eat mushrooms as well as chicken. *snicker*

      Yanno, I hadn’t thought about the ‘heavy cock’ before you mentioned it. You’re right. It is friggin’ weird.

    • LOL at the “heavy” cock. Sounds like some kind of guy exaggeration thing. “Man, this thing is so heavy I’m gonna need a block and tackle to get it into my pants.”

  • 1. By the time the chicken gets plated on the abs, it’s sufficiently cooled. There’s nothing sadistic about it, especially when the right garnish is used as a cushion.
    2. Don’t knock rosebuds that taste of fried food until you’ve tried one.
    3. What’s my point? Ha. How disingenuous. I think you’re itching for a fullblown Twitter Wankfest, that’s what I think (#foodfail).

    Wave, trust me, cocks can get mighty heavy when they’re slathered in tears, Crisco, saliva, and certain piquant sauces that go well with mushrooms.

    Sorry, Diane!

  • 1. I don’t even know why I’m talking about this with you since I don’t even eat chicken anyway, but what kind of garnish were you thinking? Mushrooms??
    2. As you are obviously admitting that you talk from experience, I bow to your knowledge of fried chicken used for anal sex.
    3. Bring. It.

  • Ok, I was worried a comment I was going to leave would be TMI. Now, after reading all the comments? Not so much 😉 I can not speak for the m/m world (obviously). I can admit (blushes) I married well 15yrs ago, & he always gets a hand towel. He even wets half with warm water, so in my world #5 is the norm.
    After Wave’s comment, I am now wondering if there is some underlying reason mushrooms have always been one of my absolute favourite foods.
    I now also know never to accept food from K.Z. unless I “like” who she has been cooking with :DDDDD

    • “After Wave’s comment, I am now wondering if there is some underlying reason mushrooms have always been one of my absolute favourite foods.”

      ROFL. Cathleen that is classic. You win. 😉

      I think we’ve all learned never to eat with KZ unless we know exactly where her food has been.

  • @Kris, the book is called SHELLSHOCKED. It will be out October 1 from Pink Petal Press.

    @junkfoodmonkey they call it “block and tackle” or “wedding tackle” for a reason…

  • I’m here late as usual, but this is a great list, Jen and Kris. 🙂 Thanks for posting it and now I’m going to be checking every future story for one of those signs…lol.

  • T.A.
    I hope you enjoyed the list. You can only poke fun like this at something you love.

    We’ll be checking your future books.:DDD

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