A large percentage of readers loathe The Big Misunderstanding as a plot device in M/M romances and I’m one of them. So why is it being used so often by authors? Is it because they really don’t believe that men can and do communicate? I do understand how a series of disconnects or small miscommunications can result in our heroes being apart for a few hours or days or weeks or even months, but when this extends to several years, with additional miscommunications being piled on, the story becomes incomprehensible and I get lost. One book I read recently had the protagonists apart for 15 years because they didn’t communicate. In another book by the same author the protagonists were apart for 5 years because of a lack of communication. What’s up with that? This was actually my tipping point. Of course there are hundreds of M/M romances with this theme but time and space would not permit me to list them, plus I didn’t want your eyes to glaze over. 🙂
Why do so many M/M authors use this device? I don’t encounter it (much) in other sub genres or genres, so why are M/M readers being inundated with stories that use this theme ad nauseum? The BM is not as prevalent in paranormals or action adventures or mysteries, but in contemporary M/M romances many authors don’t seem to let their imagination take flight to come up with engaging plots, but depend on the tried and true which turns out to be the tried and tired. I admit it’s an easy and convenient plot device, but it has been used so often the characters now seem silly. Are men really unable to pick up a phone after a fight? Small disagreements blow up into a major festering sore which then leads to the protagonists becoming separated for years. Or, even couples who are in the initial stages of their relationship don’t ask pertinent questions and just make assumptions based on little or no evidence of an issue or a misunderstanding. Many readers love angst, and I fully expect the protagonists to have to work for their HEA or HFN, but there are limits to how much of this we can stand. Surely there are other ways that this objective can be achieved rather than feeding us a surfeit of The Big Misunderstanding?
Here’s what a couple of readers said about this theme on recent reviews:
It is getting to the point when I am ready to give the author “bonus points” for NOT using the device, period lol. No, I mean, seriously no matter how unrealistic romance could be, I am always looking for realistic human interactions in it, you know? And how many people will run out on your loved one, without clarifying what exactly the person meant to say, etc? Granted SOME people may, but it is not as wide spread as one may be lead to believe lolol. Yes, sure when I am already in love with the characters and cannot help but root for them in a very few books I rolled my eyes but still loved the book, but really I wish there would be less of that.
Well I’ve have read so many of these books that I’m sick and tired of them.
Men do communicate and do it well so why are they portrayed the way they are in these books. I think M.M is the only romance sub genre where this is rampant. Is it because readers have never protested before?
Are there no other plots that writers in this sub genre can think of? I ask this because it seems that this particular plot device is endemic to M/M romances. Is this because these stories are about men and some writers have the notion that men don’t communicate? Men run billion dollar conglomerates where communication is a key component of their ability to operate their many businesses. Why, then, wouldn’t they be able to communicate with a lover? Are our authors so lazy that they can’t be bothered to think of a likely storyline that would be engaging? Why are we being fed a steady diet of The BM? I’m pragmatic and if a business or personal partner and I have a disagreement I pick up the phone (as do most people) or meet in person, to resolve the misunderstanding or disagreement rather than just “grinning and bearing it” or letting the anger fester for years. Therefore I can’t comprehend why the men in these stories would be constantly navel gazing and wringing their hands for years because they can’t communicate with a lover. I don’t know ANY men like that in real life, but maybe M/M authors do. I do understand that these books are fantasies, but the characterizations in contemporary M/M romances are supposed to have some basis in reality, as in real men. The men in my life are intelligent and they communicate just as articulately as women – maybe they don’t talk as much as some women, but sometimes I can’t shut them up. 🙂
Obviously authors need plot devices in order to plan and execute their stories, however, why is it that some authors don’t depend exclusively on The Big Misunderstanding in contemporary romances and still manage to write a novel length book with an intelligent plot? This post is not an attempt to tell authors how or what to write. It would be presumptuous of me to do so, but as a reader I have had my fill of this particular plot device. Nothing irks me more than to start reading a book and get one quarter or one third of the way into it and realize that yet again the author is employing a strategy that makes the protagonists out to be either stupid or arrogant because they either can’t or won’t communicate. I absolutely believe that M/M authors can and do write books with original story lines that don’t use the BM as a crutch -– we’ve all read them, so they do exist – but there are some authors who use this exclusively and I now refuse to review their books because I don’t want to go over the same ground in my reviews.
So authors, is there any way that you could please write your M/M romances without using this plot device? I’m not the only reader who hates it – if you check the poll on this site How Do You Like Your M/M Erotic Romance 2010 here, and The Results, linked here, this particular plot device was close to the top of the list of DONT’s. This also impacts your characterizations. If the men in your stories are so stupid how are we supposed to fall in love with them? For most readers, if they don’t love the protagonists in a romance they won’t love the book!
Are you one of those authors who depends on this old standby in its many forms in order to write a story? Why?
Oh god, fifteen years, huh? I hope I will not stumble on this one accidentally, I doubt either my wall or e-reader or both will survive it. Great article Wave.
Thanks Sirius. Yes it was 15 years, so almost their entire youth was spent apart (early twenties to mid to late thirties, I think). I really don’t understand it because I’m sure these writers have partners, some of whom are men, so is this how they really perceive men to be?
Hey Wave, I totally agree. I do want to say that M/M is not the only genre that suffers from this. It happens all over fiction. I no longer read m/f romance like I used to but it was littered there all the time. Especially in regency romances but quite often in contemp too.
I think a lot of authors in general use it. But I’d LOVE to see it disappear from M/M. Some misunderstandings you can sympathize with but the ridiculous obvious plot points make me throw the book.
Hi Kassa
Thanks for commenting.
I no longer read M/f and haven’t for years (maybe one of the reasons I no longer read het is because of the BM), so I don’t know what the common plot devices are in that sub genre, other than the maiden wringing her hands waiting to be rescued. 🙂 Because I read so much M/M contemporaries for review (as you do) I come across this so often that I can no longer stand it. I can’t remember reading it as often in mysteries or sci fi often or paranormals or other M/M themes, so I don’t understand why authors who write contemporary M/M use this. Readers complain all the time so why aren’t the authors listening?
I think though there is a difference between communicating in business and in the bedroom. Many people are very confident about their role in the work-world and aren’t afraid to make their opinions heard. Personal life and all the insecurities that arise there can make some a completely different person. Not always but it can.
This is not to say I like the BM. I hate it as a rule when it’s completely stupid and can be solved by a 2.5 min. phone call to one person. I thought maybe it was going out of style because off the top of my head I can’t think of any books lately I’ve read that used this. Sure there are misunderstandings (and stupid fights) but if they are cleared up within a few days like “normal” people I can live with that. 15 years? Not so much. LOL
The following conversation is also a pet peeve of mine (amalgamated from all of the following conversations I’ve read – which again hasn’t come up lately *knock on wood*). Scenario, Adam thinks John cheated on him based on something totally stupid. Phone call.
Adam: Hello
John: Let me explain.
Adam: No
John: Please I can explain
Adam: No go away
John: Please, you don’t understand
Adam: Never call me again
John: But you need to listen
Adam: I hate you
John: Please, I love you more than candy.
Adam: You’re ugly. Leave me alone.
John: No really, I can explain.
Adam: Good-bye (click)
Arrgghhh. It should go:
Adam: Hello
John: It’s me. She’s not my girlfriend she’s my sister.
Adam: Oh. Okay then, let’s get together and have nooky. Love you.
John: Love you too.
You don’t freaking plead to explain, just bloody do it. I get tense just thinking about it. How stupid are you? Whew. I had to get that out. Thanks. 🙂
Although as a plot device it obviously works for some people. If an author uses it continuously and continues to sell well, there’s not much motivation to change, despite my whining and foot stomping.
Tam
Business and personal interactions are quite different and they should be, but some of these characters are just too stupid for me to love. They are now my new TSTL characters.
Readers put up with this plot device and keep buying books until they realize which authors do this continuously. The author I mentioned in the post? I’m not buying any more of her books even though I really like her writing, because her characters make my blood pressure rise and the characters make me want to throw things. 🙁
Nice dialogue BTW. 🙂
Tam – As funny as that conversation is, it’s not far off of what I’ve seen in some books. The revised version is far more realistic. Men lay it on the line:
“Who was that guy you were with?”
“My brother”
“Ok cool – we should all hang out”
Done! It’s that simple. Okay, so maybe that’s not so interesting, but we are simple and straightforward. Men are from Mars guys.
OMG but Tj, if the explanations were that simple in some romances as in rl, how would unimaginative authors create real conflict instead of fake one? It would require them to think of what conflict could happen between the characters which is actually based on who the characters ARE instead of what they misheard, misunderstood or did not share with each other. Hate, just hate misunderstandings like that. Oh and I agree Tam, hilarious dialogue.
Hi Wave,
Great topic today. I’m with you on this. I can’t even imagine a situation in RL where I would perpetuate a big misunderstanding. I like to just deal with the issues and move on. That’s how all the men I know behave as well. I should probably be insulted that gay men are being depicted in this way. I’ve gotten to the point that I skim past the BM when I come to that pint in the book.
And (raises eye brow inquiringly) who might you be referring to as the gay men you know who won’t shut up? I don’t send you THAT many emails. LOL
Hello TJ
Don’t get your jocks in a twist (did I tell you I love men in jocks)? Sorry, what was I saying? Oh yes. I was referring to straight men who won’t shut up as well as gay men. LOL
I can’t believe that there are that many gay men in the world who practice The Big Misunderstanding. They won’t have any lovers left.:)
I’m sorry, did you say something after “I love men in jocks”?
TJ
I told you this before but it bears repeating – like Rick Reed, you are such a manwhore. LOL
I don’t think that’s just an M/M issue. I’ve come across plenty of this in het romances as well. And I totally agree, it’s become an overdone cliché at this point, which isn’t to say it can’t be used now and again if the situation calls for it. I can see a character latching on to the big misunderstanding as a means of breaking up a relationship he wasn’t happy with, knowing full well that the big misunderstanding isn’t more than a poor excuse (a case of purposely trying to avoid communication).
It’s no secret that this is one of my top — if not the top — hated plot devices. I just don’t get it. Seriously, when I come across it — and you can often see it coming a mile away — I want to just stop reading the book (unfortunately the book is often for review, so I am stuck finishing it). Sirius talks in the above comment about loving a book, but rolling the eyes when we encounter the BM in it (the original comment mentioned Tigers and Devils, which I completely agree on — great book and I could almost forgive the BM there it’s so well written). This is true for me as well.
I know no one to whom this has happened before. Maybe there is a misunderstanding, but it is cleared up quickly. People talk. They communicate. I love Tam’s dialog examples above because it it so true.
Oh, and I love it when even the friends are like “Go talk to him. I’m sure there’s a simple explanation.” and the protag’s like “No way. I know what I saw (heard, felt, smelled, sensed with my ESP gift). There’s NO WAY I could have misinterpreted that. He hurt me so, the bastard.”
Well, it it’s good enough for Shakespeare . . .
I don’t depend on that particular plot device, but I’ve never tried to avoid it either. It’s one of the most common plotlines in literature, right back to Homer. I think any plot device is as good or bad as the writer is skilled. If there’s a trend in plotting among writers of a particular genre, and if I find the writers’ treatment of the plotline irritating, I put my effort into suggesting ways that the particular plot device can be made better.
The whole question of why certain plotlines become popular is a fascinating one. My theory is that, the more “genre” a story is, the closer it comes to folk literature – and folk literature, of course, consists of people taking other people’s stories and creating variations of them. A fair number of m/m writers come from the slash community, where this sort of practice of “take an idea and produce a dozen variations of it” is quite blatant and unashamed. Personally, I find the practice charming, but I can see that, if several dozen writers all produced poorly written versions of a particular plotline, it would be enough to drive a reader batty.
Hi Dusk.
Wave is offline for a bit today, and since I was part of the reason this post was written I said I’d step in and respond to the comments until she can get back.
I absolutely agree with this. I can think of several instances where I have liked or even loved a book where the genre or plot device is something I normally would despise. The example of Tigers and Devils above is one; I can’t stand the BM, yet in the hands of the very talented Sean Kennedy, it worked for me. I remember saying to myself “oh no, not again” when I first read it, but it was okay and worked with the rest of the story. And it very well could be that what we’re seeing is an inundation of the device by mediocre authors who can’t handle it. If I were to choose, I guess — and BMs couldn’t go away forever — I would take a very-well written one over what we’re getting now.
“I remember saying to myself ‘oh no, not again’ when I first read it, but it was okay and worked with the rest of the story.”
Yes, and isn’t it great fun when that happens? I had the same reaction to the beginning of Maculategiraffe’s The Slave Breakers, and then was delightfully surprised when the story proved to be much better than the bad cliche I’d assumed it to be.
There’s a Burr Shafer cartoon – I’m pretty sure it’s the one that Madeleine L’Engle had tacked up in her house when “A Wrinkle in Time” was being rejected by publisher after publisher. It shows a publisher telling an anxious author, who is holding hat in hand, “We like your manuscript, Count Tolstoy, but we just aren’t interested in a war book at the moment.”
I agree 200%, this is such an old tired device and I have seen it used in Historical Het,but considering how people behaved then I can understand it more readily. I still don’t like it. Why would anyone give up so easily if this is the love of your life?It gets old and really boring,just like “the best friends,I should’nt have kissed and won’t see you for years and years plot device yukkkkkkk!! enough already.
Hi Mary.
I agree. And even if it’s a new relationship in the fragile first part, why not just ask rather than assume? I don’t get it.
I agree with all the comments, have also seen (and been annoyed by) this plot device in het romance, and love Tam’s example dialog.
Now, to actually add something to the discussion (if a bit off-color), am I the only one who sees BM and thinks of an activity best done alone in the bathroom? Not that I think that’s necessarily an incorrect interpretation, mind you, given the topic. But I am giggling a bit immaturely over here. 😀
Good morning Jessica, and thanks for commenting.
Yup, we are all twelve-year-old boys, I think. 🙂 I can’t help but snicker every time I write it.
Jessica
When I was writing this post I tried to shorten The Big Misunderstanding to BM a few times (many more times than actually ended up here). 🙂 However, every time I wrote BM I thought of you know what and broke up laughing, and it went on and on from there until I thought of where I could flush some of the books if they were paper, but that would cause a HUGE problem. See where this is going? LOL
Twelve year old boys …… all of us. 🙂
The BM is not as prevalent in paranormals or action adventures or mysteries, but in contemporary M/M romances many authors don’t seem to let their imagination take flight to come up with engaging plots
Unfortunately, unless there is something to engage the characters outside of the romance itself, like a mystery to solve, some suspense/action or being part of a larger arc like a unique paranormal world, there really is nothing to cause conflict in characters other than situations like the Big M.
If you think about RL what are the issues that come up that cause tension or angst in a budding relationship, it’s usually some misunderstanding, like not being sure what the other is thinking. Or missing cues that the other person wants you.
Other conflicts are differences in beliefs even needs and desires. Non compatibility of other basic issues like a person’s personal habits, not respecting what a person does, not being part of the same class or some other flaw.
With those other conflicts, an author needs to think about it and develop them in a believable way, which takes more creativity I think than just going with the general Big M.
So really an author has to come up with either engaging personalities, personalities that are out of the norm. Or she/he has to create some kind of tension just in the day to day life of the characters. Think Jerry Seinfeld type stuff in which day to day stuff and oddball personalities are turned into something fun and interesting.
For contemporaries, it’s just not that easy I don’t think.
I’ve also read quite a few books where there was no big misunderstanding and the couple got together with nary a hitch and it was so nice but boring… There has to be some reason to root for this couple.
I ask this because it seems that this particular plot device is endemic to M/M romances
This plot device is endemic to all “contemporary” romances, not only m/m. Unfortunately, I’ve noticed that GLBT romances in particular have a higher rate of contemporary vs. paranormal or suspense or other sub plot that carries a story easier. I don’t know why that is though.
Those authors who mix some kind of paranormal with a contemporary setting, or throw the characters in a bizarre setting, manage it quite well.
Good morning.
I agree, but do those things break you apart, either for good or for some unreasonable period of time? I think that is what I am asking myself when I read these. If there are misunderstandings, which are certainly possible, how do we handle them in RL? We talk about it, figure out where the misunderstanding was and if the relationship is worth anything, move forward. But you’re right — conflict does exist and what makes many of these stories yummy, and it’s in how the author deals realistically and believably with said conflict that gets us to the end of the book saying “okay, that worked.”
Wave, honey, I’ll have to disappoint you by not arguing with you today. I know, I know, you were looking forward to verbal sparring *g* Sorry! LOL. But I hate and despise reading about unrealistic misunderstandings, which is what I think you’re referring to here. Hate ’em even in my Harry/Draco fanfic reading, no matter the skill level of the author. I don’t finish those. They get left behind with a curse and a grumble, along with all those stories about Harry and/or Draco getting pregnant. Ugh. Well, except Survival of the Species, which was fascinating for enough other reasons to keep me interested…
What was I saying? Oh yeah. Hating on Big Unrealistic Misunderstandings. I do. Hate them. Probably because I just do NOT understand why, in fiction OR in real life, someone would ever NOT try to clear up these misunderstandings. I’m a very straightforward person, I hate mind games, and I don’t get people who play them. It confuses me.
That said, I hope I have not been guilty of penning any BUMs… eep…
Hi Ally.
I’m sure Wave will want to put her two cents in with you — maybe even start an argument just for the sake of arguing since you both love it so much? 😉
I hear you on all levels. As I read the comments submitted so far, I think there is one thing that, for me at least, has come through — if there is going to be a BM, at least make it realistic. I am re-reading Caught Running, where there is a NVBM (Not Very Big Misunderstanding) and guess what — the misunderstanding happened, the misunderstander (is that a word?) went away for a little bit and thought about it, then confronted the misunderstandee and they talked and they got their HEA. A wonder…
And yes, leave the BM out of my H/D, dammit!
Damn Ally
I can’t believe this!! No fights today? Wah! 🙂
Seriously, I know that it’s difficult to come up with storylines that are interesting but that is why they are called writers . They are supposed to be able to use old themes and make them new (and I don’t mean the BM) and write stories that readers will fall in love with. I can think of countless M/M contemporary stories where the authors gave readers a gift and we go back to them again and again because we love them and the characters. I can’t say that I do that for the majority of books with the BM plot. Once is enough. 🙁
Exactly my point.!!!
I don’t believe I can think of any of your books with the BM but let me think hard on that. 🙂 *putting on thinking cap*
**is nervous**
O_O
Some might say there was a bit of one in Adder, but I’d disagree. It was more of a coming-to-a-head of some real issues between them that they hadn’t really addressed. Don’t want to say more than that because it could be veeeeery spoiler-ish around here…
Ally
Spoilerish? US? LOL
I’ll have to re-read Adder but generally you don’t use the BM in your books, for which I’m very grateful. 🙂 Some authors, however, that’s all they write. 🙁
Good article. However, I can’t stop giggling at you calling this plot device a “BM.”
Yes, I’m twelve. 😛
I think we’re all twelve today with this topic. 🙂
Wave,
I know exactly what books you are talking about that have the protagonists apart for that long due to a ‘big misunderstanding’ and while it annoyed me, I did a hand-wave to it because otherwise I did enjoy the books even if that concept was a bit far-fetched.
Hi Lasha.
I think there will be forgiveness on the part of some readers if overall the book is good — as in the case of Tigers and Devils — and there will be some where the device doesn’t bother them at all
Lasha
I do or did enjoy her books but now they annoy me so much I don’t know when next I’ll try another book by her. If you check out my last review you’ll be able to see the other concerns I have with this author, so although she writes well her plots are unrealistic, so I’ll ask someone else to review her upcoming books.
The BM is why I don’t much care for contemporaries. They’re the primary plot device.
I have stopped reading contemps for that reason, shouting at a character to “Just ask him straight out, dammit!” (which tends to startle the 10 year old who is reading her own book with me)
On the other hand, I write non-communicative men. I have an English professor who just doesn’t talk except to yell about random petty stuff. Which is how most of the men I know cope with being under a lot of stress.
Good morning Angelia.
Yes, it does seem that contemporaries are plagues with the problem, though we have heard from folks today who have found them in historicals as well, and in het.
Based on your example, for me, anyway, I might accept a BM if it was well within the the character’s personality, and I would interested to see, if it was well-written, how it ends up being resolved. Maybe character growth through the arc?
When I was a kid, before e-mail [shudder], it would take 6 weeks or more for a letter to get to Europe and a 10 min call would cost about $75. I could see long standing misunderstandings. Now a days if a person doesn’t respond to my voice mail, e-mail,txt message, letter, hallmark card, hallmark e-mail, banner plastered on their door, fed-x package, Ftd flowers then the issue is no longer the BM. If the author cleans up the BM and expects the story to just continue, then they are not an author will re-read.
Misunderstandings are a part of life and how an individual deals with them, learns from them can be interesting and sometimes entertaining. The issue itself, and the whining surrounding it, is annoying to boring. Thanks to all those great writers out there who deliver the interesting and the entertaining!!
Hi Reggie
You said it in a nutshell. The whining drives me up the wall. I can’t believe that actual adults act the way they are protrayed in many M/M books … and I have to keep coming back to M/M because those are the only romances that I read.
Re the second part of your comment, as mentioned in the post
Why is it that many authors can write a novel length romance that doesn’t have a mystery, paranormal, or science fiction theme and still deliver an incredible story, without depending on the crutch of the BM?
OK I’m back. Thanks Lynn for filling in – I really appreciate it even though I know you love this topic. Please feel free to continue commenting. We need to keep people like TJ and Ally in line and I can’t handle them on my own. LOL
BTW Lynn, thank you so much for your help on this post.
“We need to keep people like TJ and Ally in line and I can’t handle them on my own.”
HEY! What’d I do? Dragging my good name through the mud… (grumbles as he stalks off to read stupid book to review – they’re getting a 1)
TJ
*soothingly* I know it’s that Ally who’s leading you astray. Where did that nice man I met in the bar go? 🙂
A 1? Did you say you were actually going to rate a book 1 star? You do know that we save that rating for a book that’s truly extraordinary, don’t you? LOL
“I know it’s that Ally who’s leading you astray. Where did that nice man I met in the bar go?”
Well… Ally said something about meeting some nice men that she knows – then it’s all kind of a blur…
I must say, even though I loved Tigers and Devils, the unwillingness to even talk after the misunderstanding in the end seemed a bit far-fetched…
Hi Sunshine
One of the things I tried not to do in this post was to name any of the books or the authors who used this device, because that was not the purpose of this post. I don’t want to point fingers at anyone however, since some of you have commented about T & D, I have to say that I love this book. I mentioned a few times that there are some books that transcend tropes and commonly used plot devices such as the BM, and in my opinion that’s one of them.
Yeah, I agree with that, it is a lovely book and does not deserve being bought up in this context (though it is funny we all seem to have reacted to the same thing).
I have no problems with small misunderstandings – they are the sorts of conflicts that can drive a plot. But making the whole plot a big misunderstanding? That does seem a bit far fetched. Now, I’ve read Tigers and Devils and loved it, and I can’t really remember the BM in that… perhaps because there was so much else going on and it was in character?
There are plenty of reasons why two contemporary characters might have conflict in their relationship. Class, culture, ethnicity, religion, family, education… you name it. Our world is riddled with conflict. Using such a tired device suggests either a lack of imagination, or perhaps a genuine fascination with misunderstandings and the sorts of characters that might act that way. I could believe either.
Hi Jo
What I’m talking about are those misunderstandings that could start a war – usually they start off as somethng one protagonist won’t share with the other and then before you know it, 10 years have gone by and they are still holding on to their old petty grievance.
As I said to Ally, authors are supposed to be writers, which means they should use their imagination to write books with interesting plots that they can sell (in more ways than one) to their readers. Why should we buy books with hackneyed retread plots like the BM? I have better use for my money, and I’ll save it for those authors whose books really deserve it
Hi Wave,
As I said before I am in complete agreement with you on this one, but I think I also wanted to add that I can see guys being apart because of *real* conflict for a very long time, just not misunderstood one. I certainly saw people in RL not speaking to each other for years because they felt so hurt and angry at something that other person did, so this would feel more realistic to me in a sense. But still, even if it is a real conflict and you cannot forgive your lover (former lover, friend) for fifteen years it still feels to me sort of idiotic to go back after all those years and claim that it is realistic love story. JMO of course.
Hi Sirius
Legitimate conflicts are easy to spot and good writers can bring the readers along as the protagonists resolve their issues. But you and I both know that most M/M authors use the BM because they are too lazy to use their imagination, which is what writing is all about. I know that there’s nothing original in fiction – everything has been done before – but it takes a writer to make that old saw you read a couple of weeks ago into something new and appealing.
I agree that it is idiotic, which is why I no longer read some authors’ books.
You know, I don’t think I’ve yet read a Big Misunderstanding plot. I think it would be the sort of thing I’d weed out from the blurb (and reading your reviews).
I suppose there must be people out there who enjoy the sheer torture they can put their characters through for no good reason. Seems rather sadistic to me!
Yeah, it’s actually gotten to the point that if the story description even hints at this, I won’t even bother downloading a sample.
Luci
My first clue is to check the blurb to see whether the guys have been apart for YEARS because of a misunderstanding. LOL That book will not be on my TBB list. I have tons of them that I bought and only read the first chapter then deleted.
I don’t mind a few misunderstandings along the way – misunderstandings, awkwardness, toe-curling embarassment are the most fun parts of writing a new romance. 😉 But except maybe in a comedy, hanging the entire plot off it is frustrating unless there’s a very, very good reason the misunderstanding can’t be cleared up.
The Big Secret on the other hand – now that I love! 😀
Becky
Thanks for commenting.
In a romance I like little misunderstandings that progress the plot and make the story interesting.
What I’m talking about here are misunderstandings that are so ridiculous which keep the protagonists separated for years or even decades, because they can’t or won’t talk to each other.
This has been used so often and I’m bored to tears at the lack of imagination on the part of authors. If they want readers to spend their hard earned money on their books they have to do a whole lot better than what they have been giving us lately. I’ve stopped buying books by certain authors because that’s all they write.
Noted. I won’t do it. 🙂
Aleks
You don’t have time for the BM in your books – they are fantastic sci fi or other action oriented stories. LOL
@Wave – Usually, somebody wants to see my characters dead, so they have bigger stuff to worry about.
But I think one of the best pieces of writing advice was, “nobody likes stupid characters” – so the BM is usually a sign that the characters are stupid and/or incompetent at life… and honestly, if they let go of something the author tells me they want because of a misunderstanding… as as reader I feel they don’t deserve getting it in the end.
YMMV.
Aleks
Readers complain about this theme all the time but they have yet to speak with their credit cards, by not buying books with this silly plot any more. I know I won’t. If the authors who continuously feed us this stuff feel it in their pocketbook they will have to be creative and actually come up with intelligent plots. As readers we’re treated as if our opinions are of no consequence, but maybe in future authors will actually write books with plots that don’t involve this formulaic device.
LOL Aleks probably BECAUSE somebody wants your characters dead pretty often they are also forced to be on alert and make sure they will not misunderstand any in person or on the phone conversations. Otherwise the misunderstanding itself may cause them to end up dead faster lol.
Maybe this is part of the solution too – authors should find other stuff for the characters to be concerned about, which will not leave time for misunderstandings and maybe will clear up their minds for bigger and better things.
Seriously though, love as I do romantic mysteries, romantic trillers, police dramas, historicals, etc, I also love me some good contemporary and I cannot believe that creative writer will have that much trouble to find staff for the character in contemporary romance to be occupied with and not to look stupid when dealing with the love interest or potential love interest.
I think the solution to the quality problem is several-fold (and I think stuff like this is a quality problem).
First, a huge amount of m/m writers are amateurs (I mean that in the non-judgmental kinda way – I knew very few who make a living from writing, and those that do tend to be in say, precarious economic situations, are retired, or jobless, often not by choice. I consider myself an amateur because it’s a hobby to me and I’m n nowhere near the point where I could contemplate living off writing.
So, people that use this tired device tend to have other issues as well. TSTL heroes, boring plots, flat characterisation. Because if the plots were any good, they wouldn’t need the BM to do that work of keeping the lovers apart. It’s quick and convenient and trite. And very often the mark of an inexperienced writer or a scared writer. Or a writer that’s stuck at a point in their development that a mentor would have to kick them out of so they move on and work on their plotting and characterisation.
Me, I want to feed a solid 50% of writers in this genre a few “how to” creative writing books. So, I’d hope that these authors simply develop and move on.
Reviewers also have a part in this. They have to call bullshit, and call it loud. When I’m a reviewer, I’m merciless. I point out all the issues in the craft, not because I want to “kill the competition”, as I’ve been accused, but because I passionately care about the craft of writing – and I mess up, too. I need my betas/test readers who tell me “You’re pulling a fast one and are being a coward” – lots of writers don’t have that.
Lastly, the publishers. Oh gods, the publishers. You get the feeling many of them are so starved for stories with sex that they aren’t even looking at the rest of the text.
On that note – my book was just returned to me with a “please revise this…(huge long list followed, getting really into the plot of the thing)”. It happens to me (us, Raev is the co-writer), and I’m grateful for a publisher calling my bullshit. I’m happy when I have an editor who knows more about the craft than I do, because they are few and far between.
I think the genre needs more criticism, not less, more honesty and hard work from authors, and more publishers who focus on good books rather than on many books.
Because if stuff is consistently bad quality – that will dry up the flow of dollars and will do very little to drag this genre out into the light and grow it.
Aleks
Whether M/M writers are amateurs or pros, they are producing a product for sale, and as a reader I have certain expectations when I pay for a book. If it doesn’t live up to my expectations, for whatever reason, I probably would not buy from that author again. Writing books is not a ‘mom and pop’ operation, and electronic publishing is big business – not as big as print certainly, but it makes the publishers millions. I realize that the writers only get a small slice of that revenue stream from royalties, but I still expect quality when I buy a book.
One of the reasons I introduced the Ins and Outs of M/M Writing series for new writers 5 months ago was because I recognized that they needed help that no reviewer critiquing their books could provide: There was a requirement for more experienced writers to give new writers tips and counselling. When this series ends I intend to replace it with something else because there definitely is a need, mainly because this sub genre has exploded out of the gate and almost anyone who can type is now calling himself or herself an M/M author. They don’t even have to have any credentials, and there is little creativity.
You’re absolutely correct. Everyone is focused on writing and releasing more and more books and quality has taken a holiday.
Wave – I do think it’s a bit of a “mom and pop shop” – love the expression. In many ways, the feeling I get from the m/m writers group, is that it’s like a church fair (or wherever people try and sell their self-made pottery, bookmarks and crochetted items). They make them, put their heart into it, but a lot of these pots/toilet roll warmers and bookmarks aren’t very good, from an objective standard.
Objective standard meaning – the standards applied by the mainstream. I’ve only experienced the mainstream in Germany, so it might all be different and your usual caveats apply. I know that my agent has called my bullshit on a couple mainstream-y novels I’ve done recently. I have no doubt if I’d pitched those to several of them m/m publishers, they would have been accepted. The same standards simply do not apply. I’ve had to review things that were published (not self-published, that’s a different kettle of fish) that any mainstream agent or publisher would have laughed at. In mainstream, if you do not use the full tool box of the craft, can’t tell the difference between show don’t tell, and otherwise aren’t a damn good writer, you won’t ever get anywhere. (Yes, shit gets published in mainstream, too, not saying it’s always better).
So, you have these handmade pots and you compare them to the mass-produced shiny pots from China – which are made on completely different economies of scale. In essence, you end up paying top bucks for a product that is not as good as the plastic pot from China (mass-produced paper books or even ebooks that went through that terrible vetting process we call mainstream publishing). It’s two totally different products.
The publishers are amateurs, the writers are amateurs, the editors are amateurs (I’m horrified that some presses use other writers to edit their peers… writing and editing are two totally different skill sets).
That said, the industry is just starting and at the moment in that frenzied “grow grow grow or die!” phase. Personally, I’d grow slower and just simply attract the best writers and then edit the hell out of the texts and invest heavily in covers and marketing – but many so-called publishers are “one woman and several freelancer” kinda shows. They can’t keep up with and don’t have the skills of Tor or Simon and Schuster or Random House, who charge the same for their books.
E-publishing at the moment is very much an indie business. It will be big bucks, but how much of the money is the “e-book to the Da Vinci Code”? A hundred thousand downloads of that beats the sales numbers of the whole m/m publishing industry. And then some. We’re tiny. The genre is growing, but it’s growing virally. People tell their friends. Now that e-readers become a lot more affordable (thank you, Amazon, for launching the Kindle3!), things will only accelerate.
And e-publishing is a blessing to authors. My royalties for print were between 3-6% of the cover price (which, blessedly, in Germany, is fixed – no books can be discounted in Germany). However, of the 2-3k EUR advances I got, that was it, no more royalty payments after that. I sold 5-10k books (which is respectable for fantasy/sci-fi in Germany). Let’s say I write an e-novel and sell it and get, say, 30% (I’ve signed contracts anywhere between 25-35% royalties), and that novel would cost the same (let’s ignore the fact they don’t and there’s the currency issue, too). I’d “only” have to sell a thousand books or so to make the same money. Mindblowing.
Plus, my books are never out of print. In Germany, my five paperbacks are very out of print and will never come back.
So, that “small” slice is huge compared to print.
I saw the series about the Ins and Outs and thought it was a brilliant idea. Well done. We need more of that.
But I also see a lot of cluelessness among writers. I read things like “a reviewer told me I should do more ‘show don’t tell’… what the hell is that?” – and I check them out online and see they have five or six books out. In my humble opinion, the publisher of the first book should have said “get this book on creative writing, learn how to show, not tell, and come back once you know the difference.”
The ignorance is staggering, and the way many people react is not “go get a book, read it, ask if you have questions”, but they tell the other writer “you know, that reviewer is full of shit – nobody has the right to interfere with your style”. It drives me to despair, but I’ve had too many flame wars with other writers who felt that learning the craft wasn’t important. And I quote “I just write romance, what do they expect???”
I could quite easily devote my time to just teaching other writers (I enjoy that, actually), but I can’t afford to (I’d need to charge for that) and it would kill my writing time. So who does it? Almost nobody. Josh’s book on m/m writing is an excellent start to more criticism and higher standards. I keep selling his books to the newbies. I try and do the best I can with my critique partners.
This genre has so much promise – I really don’t want to see it go nowhere because people are often innocently and very rarely wilfully – ignorant.
I think the major differences between print and epublishing, other than the money the print publishers make, is the advance that a print author receives when his/her book is accepted for publication, although the days of huge advances ($50,000 or more) are long gone with the new economy.
In epublishing the publishers make up for not offering advances by the % of royalties they pay, and the fact that the authors’ backlist is available as long as he/she has a contract with that publisher. Unfortunately a lot of the writers in epublishing are not as well schooled in the art of writing as those who have made it in print (I know that many novel length ebooks find their way into print depending on the publishers, but these are all POD which cost more to print and buy) – I think most of them missed Writing 101 and went straight to actual writing without knowing the basics of good writing. That’s part of the problem and the reason why we get the BM, – the characters have nothing interesting to do or impart so the author has to think of how to separate them for a few years to introduce tension into the relationship. In many of the books I read I would have liked to learn about how the characters operated in their daily lives (surely they worked) – not just a couple of paragraphs – and then after the BM they are back in bed having sex (another filler).
This is what I mean about skipping Writing 101 and going straight to the actual writing. After all, many new writers are probably thinking when they read a few M/M books – if so and so can do it, so can I. And they are right because the newly established publishers will take anything and most of them have no editing staff.
I wish some of the new writers (and a few experienced writers as well) would at least read Man Oh Man! by Josh Lanyon to learn some of the basics of writing for this market.
As you said, this genre has a lot of promise. I for one would hate to see it go the way of the do do bird or het.
Wave – we are completely on the same page. Sometimes I wish publishers would run workshops for their writers. The teaching has to happen somewhere, and in the current market, it sure as hell isn’t happening BEFORE publication.
I always cringe a bit inside when I see – on any of the writer forums/mailinglist, “my dream has come true! My first book is accepted! I’m a real writer now.”
Me, grizzled veteran that I am, then cover my face in my hands and mumble something like, “no, honey, you’re a *real* writer when you’re dead. It’s a constant learning process…we are all *becoming* writers.”
(But I tend not to say that in public, because, yeah, there’s a great deal of joy in that moment, and I hate pissing in somebody’s boots).
But one of my friends – even more grizzled and cynical than me – said “I don’t get this – the main aim is to be published these days. But not because the book’s any good, just TO BE PUBLISHED. It’s an ego thing. So readers pay five bucks for some writer’s ego trip because they sure as hell don’t get five bucks worth of writing? What the hell?”
It’s a letdown – the publishers are letting the writers down, the writers let the readers down, and everybody gets shafted for different reason. Until the reader gets cynical and says “it’s all trash anyway”.
And the response of writers for lagging sales? Easy – it’s not the fault of the book, it’s a lack of marketing. So they spam gods and the world with BUY MY BOOK messages – to which I usually respond “desperation ain’t sexy, kid.”
Yeah. It’s a messed-up situation.
I really love your analogy of the church bazaar and the handmade pots. This is an exciting time we live in, where small small indies and even self-published authors can have their handmade pot (ebook) placed side by side with the “Made in China” model on a humongo retailer like Amazon.
I’ve noted many times on my how-to podcast Packing Heat that most of the owners, editors, proofers in this genre have no formal schooling or training in writing or publishing. They, and I, are self-taught “enthusiastic amateurs.”
In the end, as Wave said, one would hope the reading public would vote with their pocketbooks. Maybe it just takes a while to shake out.
Sirius – amen to that. And BTW, I do appreciate your insightful reviews. We need more people willing to go to the trouble of reviewing honestly.
That said, yes. I have to admit if a novel or novella is *only* about the courtship and sex and doesn’t do anything more (at the very least, give me a feeling those are real people with depth and hang-ups and, you know, a *life* – and weaknesses and issues) – my eyes glaze over and I’m bored.
If you look at a book I recently enjoyed a lot, Heidi Cullinans’ Special Delivery – not actually an awful lot happens in there. But it’s about being young and being true to oneself and it’s a road movie and a love story and a pretty kinky sexy story, too. It works, but Heidi went deep into her characters and wrote her heart out. It’s also very, very well written, technically.
Other writers – Abigail Roux or Libby Drew, for example – give their characters a lot more to do than to just shag and get all heart-fluttery at a touch or a gaze.
Kirby Crow – awesome writer. “Angels of the Deep” could easily and should have been picked up by the mainstream. That one is an awesome novel and definitely on the shelf of “how to do it right”.
I think Josh says it in the how to write m/m book – characters need to do more than just have sex. Books – even romances – aren’t all about the sex, and not even all about the courtship. We are people, our lives are bigger than that. Let one guy just lose his job, let them run around to get a mortgage approved, have marriages and deaths in the family.
Gimme people, not sex scenes.
Wave,
I read a good bit of het, and the BM is endemic even in the thrillers and westerns. Maybe especially in the thrillers because the author can always arrange for bullets or bombs just as the crucial question is asked and draw the BM out for another 25 pages.
Men talk for three reasons, in my experience:
to impart information
to solve a problem
to establish dominanace
I try to keep that in mind for my fictional men. Even an “I love you” is imparting information.
Hi Angel
I no longer read het and haven’t for years because I had major problems with this sub genre, the main one being the way the women in a lot of these books were characterized as silly creatures, or bitches or TSTL.
As you said, Men talk to (a) impart information. If (a) were a principle of M/M then the Big Misunderstanding would not happen because they would tell their lovers what their issues/problems were. Re (b) to solve a problem – I’m OK with that because I tend to like people who think linearly. Re (c) to establish dominance – I guess the other person in the relationship would have to be the sub.
I think men are are just as simple or complex as women depending on their personalities. My family consists of mostly men and they don’t have problems communicating. As I said in the post, sometimes I can’t shut them up. LOL
I’ve never understood the need to keep the characters apart for a ridiculous length of time. If they are apart for years, then obviously they’ve gotten on with their lives, new interests etc.
Women get their panties in a wad and won’t talk to them again. Men put on their Mr Fix-it hats and, well, fix it. If that means they get back together, great for the story. If that means they go their separate ways, fine, but they need to get on with their lives and stop whining. I couldn’t stand Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever, why would I want his reincarnation in something calling itself romance?
Hi Kei-Chan
Thanks for commenting.
The authors who use this plot device expect us to believe that the protagonists just wait around for their true love to come back. It’s so totally unrealistic I’m wondering why readers put up with these plots and characterizations. Even though these books are fantasies, the characters are supposed to be based on RL men but I don’t know anyone like the ones in these books. What are they – hermits? Or are they from a prehistoric time waiting until their true love comes back into their lives?
Hi all
Thanks for the blog post and comments. Very insightful as usual.
It all comes down to conflict as a couple of people have said. Lack of good conflict makes for bad stories. I shall resolve to avoid BM in the future.
If there’s no external situation or person outside the couple introducing the conflict then it has to rely on internal tensions between the two protagonists. This requires one of them at least to change or compromise. Which needs one of them to recognize and admit the problem in the first place, then take on some responsibility to fix it.
Does this happen in RL?
Are men such good communicators as you all claim them to be?
Are they good at analyzing the situation when it comes to their personal lives? Don’t they just react to what they see?
Hi AB
For me a good book has both external AND internal conflicts, or the characters will sit around with nothing to say or do but jump into bed, which gets boring after a while.
As to whether men are good communicators, I work in a field with almost all men and at home most of my family members are male, and they don’t seem to have trouble communicating with each other or me or vice versa – and it IS a 2 way street. So I can’t understand these separations that drag on for years – decades even – when a phone call could have resolved the protagonists’ issues, most of which when you get down to it, are minor.
I find it insulting that authors are too lazy to come up with good plots that DON’T use this device, but rely on old tropes which are boring and don’t engage me as a reader. Are we expected to pay for this recycled stuff? Men are not perfect in their personal or business lives and they may not be the best communicators, and they do communicate differently than women, but how can such a large percentage of the male sex be as stupid as authors make them out to be? We all react differently to situations, but I can’t believe that separations for years or decades are warranted or reasonable for mostly minor offences.