Faking Perfection

Title: Faking Perfection
Author:  Mia Watts
Publisher: Dreamspinner Press
Cover Artist: Anne Cain
Buy Link: Buy Link Faking Perfection
Genre: contemporary m/m romance
Length: Novel (108 pdf pages)
Rating: 3.25 out of 5 stars

A Guest Review by Feliz

Summary Review: This story had an enticing plot idea and a good concept, but it fell short for me through a number of “WTF?” moments.

****This review contains what might be considered spoilers****

The Blurb: Father Garth Roderick is a priest with a problem. He’s had a fascination with a particular congregant for years. Though he’s never actually acknowledged his sexuality, Garth’s definitely more attracted to men than women. Fortunately, he hasn’t had to deal with making a moral decision… until the night he is caught in the dark and kissed senseless. Now he fantasizes that the kiss was from the one man he can’t forget, Eli Jennings.
For Garth, the man of his fantasies could be his, but how does he reconcile human desire with his vow to God? And for Eli, coming in second best hurts like hell, but how do you ask a man of God to leave the church and take a chance on love?

The Review: Being gay was never an issue for Father Garth Roderick; he’s a devoted servant to the Catholic church and sworn to celibate anyway. Or so he thought, until that fateful day three years ago when a strange man kissed him, waking Garth’s long suppressed sexuality. Although Garth never saw the face of that man, he pictures him as Eli Jennings, which shames him so much he can’t even profess it in the confession.
Garth has known Eli for years. He has watched Eli grow up, has been Eli’s religion teacher. While Garth felt a paternal affection during Eli’s youth, this changed when Eli grew up to be a man.  Then Eli left for college, and Garth hasn’t seen him in three years, but now he’s back for his sister’s marriage which Garth is about to conduct. Upon seeing Eli again, Garth knows he is in trouble. Eli has become a gorgeous man, and Garth is helplessly attracted to him. How enormous is his shock when Eli not only admits that it was indeed him who kissed Garth all those years ago, but even uses the intimacy of the confessional to make it clear that he loves Garth and wants to be with him.

Ever since he was in Father Garth’s class, Eli had a crush on his teacher.  Over the years  his crush turned into adult love, of which he’s certain when he sees Garth again at his sister’s wedding. But how can Eli make Garth see that mortal love might be equivalent or even better than the devotion Garth has to his church? Eli knows the only way to get Garth around is to talk to him, but Garth avoids him after his declaration of love. Only after the wedding ceremony Eli gets hold of Garth. Their conversation in the church’s vestibule, with the wedding party waiting for them outside, turns into a rather lengthy passionate sexual encounter. And wouldn’t you know it, they are caught in the act – literally – by another priest,  Father Merrick.

Now Garth has to deal not only with his own compunction, but also with his fellow priest’s judgement. Instead of condemning Garth outright, though, Merrick refers him to the merits of repentance. Deeply conflicted, Garth seeks sanctuary in his vows; his bishop imposes a mild atonement on him by assigning Merrick as Garth’s ex officio warden. It’s only in the confessional again that Eli has a chance to talk to Garth, which he does shortly before he leaves, his renewed declaration of love only deepening Garth’s conflict. After a while, Father Merrick can’t bear Garth’s misery any longer and makes sure that Garth is sent on a sabbatical, to give him time to think. But instead of a convent, the sabbatical takes place in the mundane world. Here, among ordinary people, Garth needs to come to terms with himself, his sexuality and his feelings for Eli.

This book had a lot of potential. It tackles quite a number of taboo topics, namely homosexuality and Catholicism, breach of celibate, teacher/ student romance, sex in a church… all this simply calls ANGST! CONFLICT! CHARACTER GROWTH!
Sadly, the story didn’t live up to its promise.

I found the character of Garth well-drawn. He’s a priest who is nevertheless a man with natural urges and needs, and discovering his attraction to Eli pushes him into a sheer agony of inner turmoil, conflict and crisis of faith. Yet, Garth deals with these issues in a halfway realistic way, by going through the classical process of denial, refusal, processing and acceptance. Personally I can’t entirely imagine that such a devoted servant of the Catholic church, particularly at Garth’s stated age and length of service, would reach the point of acceptance that soon and with relatively little self-flagellation and guilt. After all, the principles of sin, guilt and atonement should be deeply ingrained into every Catholic, even more so into a priest. But then again, people are different. I liked Garth, and so I didn’t begrudge him the absolution his sister granted him, thus enabling him to forgive himself.

But I absolutely couldn’t stomach Eli, Garth’s love interest, who was a selfish, manipulative prick most of the times. So he got it into his head that he loved his priest, and of course Garth must love him back, no two ways about it. He’s such an irresistible guy, isn’t he, the church and Garth’s lifelong devotion pale in comparison to being Eli Jennings’s lover.  Eli is lucky enough to find his homosexuality widely accepted, so who cares that Garth can’t expect to meet the same acceptance if  he came out? Garth doesn’t jump at the occasion right  away? Eli catches him out, seduces him and then hauls ass as Father Merrick walks in on them and things go south.
At one time Eli muses if he didn’t come on too strong and might perhaps scare the unexperienced priest away. In my opinion, Eli is a stalker, plain and simple, and I rooted for Garth to realize that and send Eli where the sun doesn’t shine. He didn’t, unfortunately, and the love affair carried on, becoming sweeter and sweeter until it ended in sheer saccharine.  Well, perhaps it’s only my teeth that hurt, others might adore the ending. After all, it’s original, and sexy, too.

I mentioned a number of “wtf” – moments. Eli’s stalkerish behavior was one of those, the ending another one. What threw me right out of the story every time were the numerous references to Eli’s fetish. Apparently, he’s quite obsessed with the attributes of Garth’s priesthood, down to fantasizing about role-play with Garth wearing garb and collar and such.  Okay, to everybody their kinks, but close to the ending we had these two quotes, only a few short paragraphs apart:

“… Eli, you’re the center of everything that matters to me. There will always be the church. It’s part of who I am. I will always be involved to some extent. Beyond that, because of that, instead of that, wrapped up in that, you’re it for me.”

and a bit later, (after they had sex):

Eli dropped his sweaty brow between Garth’s glistening shoulder blades. “I got to thinking of you in garb and I lost it.”
(…)
Garth twisted around. “Then I guess it’s a good thing that I have two of them coming in my box of personal items, huh?”

This was where the story lost me finally and for good.  Garth declares himself a deeply religious man who calls the church a part of who he is and is still willing to play around with the insignia of his former ministry? Seriously?

All in all, this book unfortunately didn’t hit home with me, but I can see how others might certainly love it, especially for the detailed, opulent and thorough sex scenes and the sweet romance between the priest and his former student.