Hello one and all!
Considering I’m once again back at the helm is further proof that the rumors aren’t true! Wave was not rushed the nearest psych-ward after my last post in February. I knew I was being railroaded when the CDC released their so called findings: that a daily dose of Ethan Day could be hazardous to your health! As if!! I’m just like candy, people! A few licks have never killed anyone. 🙂
And no, my little monkeys, while I may make an illicit confession or two throughout this post, it has nothing to do with the annual party down in New Orleans of the same name. However, the title is evocative of another annual rite-of-passage…one of mine at least. I’m speaking about the particular time of year in which we now find ourselves. Why, you may be asking? The reason is actually pretty simple. We’re here because this queer tends to see a boost in that special sorta yearning, you know, an elevation in my desire for a little decadence in my southern regions.
That’s right folks, spring has sprung, and along with the rising temperatures, gay men the world over are gearing up to go Living La Libido Loca. Thoughts of planting our seed into freshly plowed soil have begun fertilizing every other thought. The bears have come out of hibernation harnessed to hell and looking for fresh meat while the twinks are stuffing their goodies into the shortest of short-shorts in hopes of sinking a big nine into their back hole.
Yes, I know – I’ve once again egregiously stereotyped, but it’s okay!! I’m using my powers for good, not evil, so it totally doesn’t count. 🙂
I’m not exactly sure what it is about this time of year that does it. Perhaps it’s all the green sprouting out of every square inch of nature. I mean, if green M&M’s make us horny then is it really that big of a leap to assume that all this fresh foliage could make Andy randy? Does being confronted with an explosion of new get us yearning to lie down in a field full of wild flowers with an unsown oat and screw? I don’t know, but I do seem to get a little extra adventurous each year as winter gets bitch-slapped back into submission by Mother Nature.
In reality I think a lot of this new found stimulation comes from all the half naked men who are suddenly out running, playing tennis, or partaking in a touch of scrimmage in the park – where there are no shirts vs. skins, it’s all skin! It’s shocking to the senses, and most distracting to sweet, innocent, little homos like myself. Yeah, I know…but that totally sounded convincing in my head!
Seeing all that sweaty beefcake on display – my imagination runneth over with new ideas…and most of them involve some version of me being slutty…to varying
degrees. So what’s the harm in indulging? Dicks are like Lays, right? No one can have just one! Well, no one except straight men. They just have the one. It came factory installed, and the only one who seems to be able to take it away from them is their wives. 😆 That’s why I’m so happy to be gay. We enjoy borrowing a guy’s dick for a while, but we’re well mannered enough to offer up a surrogate for them to play with in the meantime. Sharing is caring! 🙂
In any case, I’m all for blaming the visual onslaught of that sweaty beefcake for this lapse in my usually well behaved libido. It’s like reverting back to being a teenager, when all it took to get me going was the right pair of Levi’s…on any guy at all. Funny that back then it never occurred to me that every other guy in high school was likely walking around thinking the same thing that I was. Well, not exactly the same thing perhaps, but in retrospect, I have a feeling more than I ever would have guessed probably were. Of course, the ignorance of youth is believing the entire world revolves around you. Hmm…perhaps I haven’t matured all that much after all. 🙂
Reminiscing over those angsty teen years got me thinking about sluts. As well as hookers, whores, ho-bags, and prostitutes. Are there subtle differences between them or do they mostly all mean the same thing? Let me set the record straight right here. I’m not condemning any of the above. I leave that sorta stuff up the pious peeps who can’t feel good about themselves unless they’re belittling someone else…you know – cue Darth Vader music – republicans, the religious wrong, etc. Juuuust kidding…but not really. LOL!
Biblically speaking I remember ho’s not being very well appreciated. I don’t see what the biggie was. They were simply generous sexual adventurers…who charged a small fee. 🙂 I’ll admit to the fact that I’ve often suffered from ho-envy. Those guys who can lock onto each other in a bar and end up in one another’s bed by the end of the night – it’s totally hot to the nosy naked eye, watching from a safe distance. That whole Enrique, Tonight I’m Fuckin’ You vibe – smokin’ – and damned if you don’t believe it when Enrique sings it. So yes, I admit that I’ve always secretly dreamed of being a ho.
Of course I’d never have the balls to charge. I’d feel the need to offer a guarantee of satisfaction and let’s face it, I’m never gonna be willing to uphold that – I’m far too mouthy. I’d make the world’s worst hooker. I can’t imagine most johns would care for a side of snark to go with their oral and anal. Verbal stimulation is totally underrated! 🙂 It’s too bad, cause if Verbal were all the rage, I’d be a total stud.
As luck would have it, my chances for success in whore-dom are about as high as winning the lotto. It just isn’t in me, no matter how much I wish it was. That doesn’t mean I simply give up! Life isn’t worth living without dreams and aspirations! With age comes wisdom – which is thus far the only friggin’ bonus – and with that wisdom comes the occasional revelation.
Today’s revelation is the most interesting part, at least in my not-so-humble opinion. It’s also something which is often synonymous with this particular time of year – romance. For the truth at the heart of whatever the hell makes up me, is that no matter how naughty I’ve ever managed to get, at the end of the day there isn’t a single sexual experience that compares to being in love.
Everything’s better where love is concerned – even kissing – which is already almost the best thing ever. Nothing lives up to that feeling when you’re willing to give up a piece of yourself if only to prolong the experience for a little while longer. To be gaga enough that you allow yourself to stay lost in him until the need to come up for air is too strong to ignore. The reason for this stems from the fact that each person gives a damn. It’s no longer all about you and how you’re going to feel – you become more concerned with how he feels – because making his experience as incredible as you can ends up enriching your own. Tricky that, huh?
So what is the moral of this particular personal journey of mine, you may be wondering. Well kiddies, it’s actually pretty simple. I don’t want to be a whore after all, at least not in a true Merriam-Webster’s kinda way. That’s not who I am, and I realize at this stage in my evolution there’s not much point in pretending otherwise. That’s what our twenties are for. 🙂 I would however most heartily enjoy being a whore with one person. A steady john – who’s name could even be John – to love and to cherish – to honor and to service…I mean serve (when I’m in the mood for that sorta thing) and above all else, have insanely slutty sex with. Ah yes, my friends…tis a lovely dream at that.
A happy whorey weekend to one and all!
Ethan
Riveting post as always, Ethan. So it’s not just me who notices that “spring has sprung!” in more ways than one. Hee hee. I’ll be rereading this during breaks at work, and the smiles and chuckles will help get me through the day. Whoot! Long weekend waits at the end! Thanks for brightening up my day!
Thanks Eden! Looks like we all get a bit saucy this time of year. I’l keep my fingers crossed your work day goes by like buttah!
Happy Weekend!
Lol Ethan.
As always, you’ve made my day better.
Thank you. :loveyou:
Thanks Alina! You’re always so sweet to me! ; )
Whew! It’s not just me being an ‘ol perv then? I never need to look at the calendar to know when spring’s here. There’s this hot guy who, as soon as it’s warm enough, runs down my street shirtless every morning as I’m leaving for work and must spent hours in the gym. What a body! And today was his first appearance! :hot:
Speaking of finding your own “john” who you could be with exclusively reminded me of the movie “Boy Culture”. You should check it out if you haven’t seen it. Thanks for making me smile first thing in the morning Ethan. 😀
Hi TJ! I’m so happy your hunk came running by! Would it be too awful of me to hope that tomorrow he trips and skins his knee in front of your house? Then you could rush out and help the poor boy. Give him a couple of band-aids and blow…on his cuts!! Dirty minded, good for nuthin’…oh who am I kidding…you’d HAVE to blow that too! For medicinal reasons of course…you know…to distract him from the pain and all. : )
I have seen Boy Culture, it’s one of my fav’s.
Oh my dirty little Day boy – Leave it to you to turn my innocent appreciation of the pretty scenery into me trying to get hot boy outta his running shorts! Now I have visions of me as the Wile E Coyote trying to get the Roadrunner! I wonder if the Acme company is online now. I could order a bag of marbles to toss in the street.
Don’t you just love that last scene in “Boy Culture” ? That penny jar was pretty full – lucky guys.
Ha!! I’m believing your innocent routine about as much as I did mine in the middle of the post.
If it makes you feel any better there’s a hottie in my neighborhood that mows his lawn shirtless. Can I just say I’ve never prayed for grass to grow so much in all my life! : ) Don’t think for a minute I don’t consider stocking up each I pass by the fertilizer aisle at Lowes, lol! Can you imagine me all dressed in black spreading that crap all over his front yard at 3 in the morning! LOL!
Ethan
Maybe if you used fertilizer in front of your front yard he will offer to cut your grass too. 😮 Maybe he’ll offer a buzzcut.
Tj is trying that old “I’m innocent” line on you but we both know the kind of man he is. 🙂
Great post as always Ethan. Thank you. Lucky for me I didn’t spill anything when I read it for the third time. 🙂
Thanks Wave! You know, we gots ta pull out the innocent routine every now and again…dust off the cobwebs and give a whirl. : )
I don’t want him mowing my lawn…I’d turn into one of those pervy dudes peeking out his windows and stuff. I prefer my gawking to be heavily cloaked with the guise of needing to run errands. I can always ‘forget’ my wallet and make a second pass, lol.
Can’t blame a boy for tryin’. Great post Ethan. You had me noticing all the hot boys enjoying the exceptionally warm day today. mmm-mmm. Gotta love summer!
Quite the contrary Tj, I’ve always appreciated boys for trying. : )
:jump: What a wonderful post! Except for the part where, in an effort not to spew coffee on my monitor, I snorted it out my nose and got it all over my shirt, and now I think I should go home from work to change. And not come back. Thanks for a morning guffaw! :jump:
Oh hell, Marilyn! Sorry about the coffee stains! Of course, if you do get to go home and not have to go back to work, I take it all back. : )
I’ll be in and out all morning but I’m actually off work today!! Hooray!!! : )
I’ll be here all day minus my morning meeting and a few errands, I look forward to chatting with y’all.
Great post Ethan! :bravo:
You got me thinking of a night that I guess you could call me a ho….it was a one night stand, don’t even remember his name but I do remember he was damn fine in the looks department and the sex department!
Thanks :skoal:
A hot man is a terrible thing to waste, Jaime. You were just doing your duty by doing him. : )
as if the warmer and sunnier weather isn’t enough, there is a skin of spring. It makes driving hazardous on really nice days in spring. 😯 (I’m not shocked but that is what my eyes look like most of spring. 🙂 )
LOL! I feel ya, Jeffrey! I’m not sure how I’ve managed to avoid any fender bender’s in all my years gawking.
For me, Maytide randiness is a religious experience. Literally. The drive is universal.
There’s a reason Jonathan Coulton sings “First of May” or for the song “The Lusty Month of May” in Camelot.
As for love? Physiologically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate. It’s a trick nature plays on breeders to ensure the continuation of the species.
Hey Angelia! I’m in no danger of breeding, which is likely a very good thing! That’s all the world needs – a smaller version of me giving everyone lip. Of course, a mini-me would be easy to find in a crowd…just listen for the six year old cussing up a storm…that would be mine. LOL! You’d be able to spot me as well…I’d be the one arguing with it! : )
I’m feeling a bit cynical on the concept of “love.” Maybe it’s a bad thing for a romance writer to not believe in. Then again, I don’t believe in space eunuchs and I write them too…
I have 4 mini-mes. My 11 (daughter) called Sarah Palin a bitch the other day. I’m torn between being proud and explaining why we don’t use gendered insults.
Ha! And here I thought gay men had stripped the gender away from the word bitch. I have a feeling it will eventually be like telling a person that they suck – it won’t necesarily mean they enjoy giving head, LOL!
Great post Ethan! I agree, something about the green grass just makes you want to make out in a field! And you are right, caring is sharing!
Thanks jayhjay! And isn’t sharing fun? LOL!
LOL, never a dull moment in Ethan land, thanks for the laughs!! 😀
Hiya Heather S! Hopefully not ; ) Glad you had a giggle or two!
“With age comes wisdom – which is thus far the only friggin’ bonus – and with that wisdom comes the occasional revelation.”
And there’s the rub. I have the wisdom to know better and the wantonness not to care– at least when it comes to lazy day dreaming.
No unauthorized rubbing allowed, Andi! ; )
Licking the tip of my pen. Duly noted.
Great post Ethan!!
Brings back memories…bars, men, cigarette smoke, driving bass beat…
You know I always say…”I used to think I was popular, then I realized I was just a slut.”
I have eschewed those ways. Seriously. No. Really. Stop laughing.
Nuthin’ wrong with that, Lynn! : ) I usually managed to wisecrack the romance outta any situation that might have otherwise been hot n’ spicy. Knowing when to stop talking would’ve been a useful gift. Maybe what I’ve needed all these years was a guy who’d tell me to shut up, lol!
I”m a little late making my way here, but thank you SO much for the giggles–well, okay if we’re going for honesty, the guffaws.
And all I can say is it’s a good thing I’m all alone in the house; otherwise I’m sure my family would have had to call 911…or at least would have thought they *had* to.
Spring has sprung indeed… and NO, I will not write the first thing that popped into my mind! :blush: :censorship:
Oh come on Kathy, let it all hang out, LOL! No one will tell! I swear!!! ; )
*snort* Oh yeah, right… no one will tell.
Let’s just say my mind moved from ‘spring’ to something that’s part of spring… and it sprung too. :angel:
I’m filling in the blank with all sorts of fun words. : ) So many naughty possibilities! LOL!
I knew you could do it. And I’m betting that you’re right on too. 😀
LOL! Thanks, Ethan, I needed a good laugh! You just brightened up my evening! 😀
Thanks Michelle! I hope everything is going well for you down there. Hugs! : )
I can always count on you to brighten my day and bring on the laughter. Not to mention the fun visuals! Hope the neighborhood hottie is out mowing his lawn for you this weekend. :hearts01:
LOL! Thanks Kathy B! It’s been raining all morning but it looks like the sun is trying to come out, so who knows. : )
Thanks for the giggles, Ethan. I feel a bit short-changed however. The only guy mowing his lawn is the poor hen-pecked het guy (with hunched over shoulders) across the street, who only inspires me to want to stomp over to him, hit him upside his head with his weed-whacker and ask “What the hell are you doing with HER?” Seriously, the dude is doomed to a life of Yes Dears. And since in the San Francisco Bay Area we only get about 10 minutes of spring, it’s a mad dash to find ANYONE sans shirt. Oh well…at least the Harley dudes are starting to ride. *sigh*
Hopefully he won’t get fed up and hit her upside the head. I always worry about those dudes – wondering if they’ll snap and go on a murderous rampage at some point.
Harley dudes! : ) Gotta love what they have between their legs, lol.