I Am Fallen

The Review:  This story may be set in 1888’s Scotland, but the historical aspect was clearly subordinate to the paranormal elements, which is why I took the liberty of adding the latter to the publisher’s label. Just for clarification.
Jacob has breast cancer, and even having it surgically removed didn’t do much in terms of healing; the surgery was mostly painful, apparently, and the cancer came back and spread anyway. Now Jacob is dying, and in order to do so in peace he has retreated to Scotland, closing himself off from his parents and friends. There’s one huge regret Jacob has carried for years, the fact that he let Lucien, the love of his life, go without resistance. But loving Lucien was a sin before God, right? Surely the death of Jacob’s fiancee as well as the fact that he developed a “woman’s cancer” must be part of God’s punishment for the sin that Jacob slept with a man. He’s ready to suffer in order to atone for his wrongs, but the pain, loneliness and regret soon become almost too much to bear.

This is when Jacob first sees an angel, a supernaturally beautiful being with snow-white wings, raven-black hair and eyes of flames who calls himself Morning Star – Lucifer.  At first Jacob thinks the angel a figment of his morphine-addled imagination, but Lucifer is very corporeal, and, as Jacob soon discovers, closer to human in many respects than legend makes angels out to be. And so are Michael and Raphael, two more angels who make their appearance shortly after Lucifer.

So now Jacob has virtual proof that Heaven and Hell might be as real as the angels he can see and touch, his hopes to be reunited with Lucien in the afterlife arise anew. If they manage to end up on the same plane, that is. But Jacob is still a sentient being with free will, and so is Lucien; the choices they make in their mortal lives may very well thwart their prospects for eternity despite the best efforts of the three angels.
However there might be more at stake than Jacob’s and Lucien’s petty human souls; for as God’s human children have free will, so have his angels, and they can chose to turn their backs to God’s grace just as well as humans can. So what if one angel committed a sin so great not even God’s mercy could forgive it? Angels can’t die, so if an angel sins without remorse, he goes against what defines him. But where shall he go when he can’t stay in Heaven anymore?

Let’s not forget that one angel did chose the Fall already, and what became of him.

The take on the angel lore here is interesting and, in my opinion, debatable – personally, I disagree with the author in her concept of the nature of the Fall, but that’s really a topic better brains than mine have raked themselves over. It didn’t influence my rating since my particular take on old legends shouldn’t matter in legend-based fantasy fiction, if the story is internally consistent, which is the case here.
However, readers who are bothered by such things might want to consider themselves warned; even the Lord himself is not the most sympathetic secondary character here, more like the Pillar of Fire from the Old Testament than the loving father of the New.

Even though this is on the surface the story of Jacob, his “wasted” life and his painful death, the angels are the main characters here. They’re also very much Old Testament, vindictive, deceitful warriors rather than merciful comforters. In keeping with the overall tone of the story, there’s no explicit sex, although it’s made very clear that angels are as male as human men. I liked the way Jacob and the angels connected, how this connection helped him find acceptance, faith and in the end, closure. The story did have a sad ending, which is clear from the beginning as we already know that Jacob is gong to die. It still ended on a positive note, so readers who don’t absolutely need a rock-solid HEA shouldn’t feel discouraged from reading this. It IS melancholy, but also beautifully written, full of intense emotions and yes, quite a few tear-worthy moments too.

I find myself forced to keep this review somewhat more vague than usual in order to avoid spoilers. All I can say is that, once I’d sufficiently suspended disbelief, this story gripped me and carried me with its flow in a most enjoyable way. It’s fantasy, it’s fiction and it’s pure escapism, and I can recommend it for what it is.