Through the Closet Door

Title: Through the Closet Door
Author: Rick R.Reed
Publisher: http://www.amberquill.com/amberallure
Genre: Gay Contemporary, GLBT (M/M)
Length: Extended Amber Kiss (11K words)
Rating: 4.50 stars out of 5

THE BLURB

Gregory has all the pieces in place: youth, good looks, a beautiful wife, a job he loves as an elementary school teacher, a quiet house on the beach…So why is Gregory so miserable? Why is he unable to control his lingering gaze on his neighbor, Jake, the handsome truck driver who lives just down the way from him? Why does Gregory spend his private time keeping a secret journal that details fantasies and memories of him locked in embraces with other men? It’s summer, and the peaceful lake belies the turmoil in Gregory’s heart. His wife wants to start a family, while Gregory wants to start something with Jake, but doesn’t dare.

Rick R. Reed’s heartbreaking new story brings to painful life the consequences of coming out of the closet when you’re married and no one in the world but you knows the secrets you harbor. Gregory’s mask is slipping, pulled down by the allure of a handsome neighbor and the demands of a desire that gets only louder the more he tries to quiet it.

Climbing out of the closet is never easy…but it’s even more difficult when doing so might shatter the lives of those around you…

THE REVIEW

Gregory is supposedly living the American dream. He has a beautiful wife, a job as a teacher, a nice home and all the usual trappings of the newly married. He and his wife Rosemary have been married for 2 years and on the surface the only fly in the ointment seems to be their disagreement over a baby. She wants one, he doesn’t. But they have a much bigger problem, of which she is totally unaware. He longs for a man.

In college Gregory had one anonymous sexual encounter with a much older man when he lost his virginity, and he never forgot how good it felt to have sex with a male. He spent the next few years until his marriage hiding his sexual orientation which he felt was wrong, particularly in view of his religious upbringing. I assume that his marriage was a last ditch effort to “cure” himself of those feelings, but it hadn’t worked. To complicate his relationship with his wife they lived next door to Jake Gamble, a truck driver, and Gregory had been fighting his attraction to Jake since they moved near the beach.

Gregory chronicles his feelings in his journal and it’s not clear if he does so because he can’t talk to anyone or if this is his only means of emotional survival, or both. After yet another fight with Rosemary about starting a family, he leaves his home and walks toward Jake’s house. Will they or won’t they?

Through The Closet Door is a poignant story that probably plays out in more homes than we could ever imagine. Gregory is at a crossroad in his life and has a difficult time trying to decide what’s the right thing to do. He is conflicted because he doesn’t want to hurt his wife, but he also doesn’t want to bring a baby into the world in his situation, and the pressure is stressing him to the point where he has crying jags for no reason, as he’s pulled both ways. He no longer enjoys sex with Rosemary and has to force himself to the point of pretending and “faking it”. All he wants is to be left alone, far away from Rosemary who is always there, until ultimately the pressure gets to be too much and he has to decide whether to stay in the closet or walk into the sunshine. But is he brave enough to tell the truth?

As a reader I felt Gregory’s pain because he doesn’t want to hurt his wife as he really cares for her, but on the flip side his anguish at living a lie is having such a toll on him that he feels as if he is being suffocated. With no easy way out he is fantasizing about how he might be free.

This story is very short but no less impactful because of its length. Rick R. Reed’s writing is as wonderful as ever and his characterizations, which are his signature, are superb. If you ever want to understand how difficult it is for a gay man to come out of the closet after living his life as straight, even to the point of getting married in an attempt to deny who he is, this is a must read. Coming out of the closet is never easy! Buy this book.