Another post about condoms. Sheesh, we have a one track mind here. But I had my idea before Leslie posted, I’m just slow. No penises involved in my post. No penises in condoms you say shocked? What’s the point then? It was something Wave said in one of her “coming up this week” posts. She said “Always use a condom, even if you’re not having sex.” and I thought “Hmmm. Interesting comment.” (Right after I thought “Oh God, she’s drinking again.”) What can I use a condom for if I’m not having sex? Are there any handy uses for the little multicolored, at times slippery, prophylactics? Should those of us not lucky enough to have a line of hotties at the bedroom door be contributing to Trojan’s profit margin? And if so how? Thus began my research and we all know how much fun “research” can be. At least all those authors keep telling me it’s for research purposes. Uh huh. Sure.
So I did a little thinking and a little Googling and came up with some options for those of you who maybe have a condom or 30 sitting around getting close to the dreaded expiration date. Lord knows we don’t want to use them past the best before date. So here some ideas for you.
1. It’s your child’s/spouse’s/Mom’s birthday and you completely forgot. You have to do 
something fun to make their morning a titch brighter. Balloons. Everyone loves balloons, they scream party and celebration. Time to break out the colored condoms and get together a little bouquet. How cute is that? Yes, I made that bouquet myself. My daughter thought it was lovely, after which she swore never to speak to me or acknowledge my existence in public again. I’m such a good Mom. As a bonus, not only does it look festive, but it smells amazing when you use the fruity ones. Tropical orange is especially appealing.
2. Uh oh. Hurricane, earthquake, natural disaster of some kind. You need water, lots of it. But you don’t have a bucket. No problem. Whip out a condom which will hold several litres of water and keep your family hydrated and alive. The slight latex flavour is unpleasant but not dangerous. Condoms save lives, in more ways than one.
3. Protect your gun barrel. No, not your “gun barrel”, jeepers, I said no penises. I found this one on-line. Are you out hunting with your buddies and it’s a bit rainy? It would be a shame to miss the big one because rain and mud got in your gun barrel so you simply slip a condom over the tip and voila, dry and safe. Just make sure you keep one for when it gets really boring in the duck blind. Oh come on, we 
all know what’s going on. They don’t come home walking like that from sitting in a cold wet tree all day.
4. Your bosses retirement party is a bore. Entertain your coworkers and their spouses with hilarious condom antics. Make yourself look like an alien. Heck, climb right inside. You’ll delight and amaze everyone. Just watch your star rise in the workplace.
5. Big date night with that perfect person? KZ Snow posted some of these pics on her site. Amazing garments made from condoms. Keeping your condom stash fresh is important so use up the extras making yourself a lovely spring frock and you’ll always be prepared for a little back alley action at the clubs.
6. Hair bands. At the pool and you forgot to bring an elastic for your hair? No problem. Just poke the end out of the rolled up condom and voila, hair with style.
7. It’s birthday party time for the kiddies. The clown forgot to show up. Dang. How can we keep adorable tots entertained? Balloon animals. Kids love balloon animals. You can even turn them into puppets. Who doesn’t love puppets?
So I hope I have given you some ideas of ways you can use your condoms out of the bedroom. If you have any other brilliant ideas please share them with everyone so we can all benefit from your wisdom and experience.
Happy Easter to all who celebrate. Hope the Easter bunny brings you something tasty.
Those two condalloons on the right hand side of your bouquet look like an uneven boob job. I’m pretty sure that’s why the girl child decided she wanted to be disowned.
They are a bit weirdly shaped aren’t they. The orange ones smell nice though. Banana not so much.
LOL about the banana condoms… which suggests another use for condoms. Slip one over a banana before tossing it in your bag to prevent nasty smooshed banana messes…
I hate that fake banana smell. But your idea is good, also can slip the empty peel back if you aren’t near a garbage bin.
Another interesting post, Tam. Who knew condoms had so many uses.
Loved the video!
I like to think I’m educating the people Lily. 🙂
That video is hilarious.
Now, reading your option no. 3, Wave’s post about cowboys came to my mind and voilà: I suddenly see the cowboy thing in a whole new kinky light. 🙂
LOL I never thought of cowboys Lilli. I have an image of a shoot out ready to go when someone calls “time out” to unroll the condom off their gun. 🙂
ROFL And think about the colors! Just who of the guys would earn themselves the black one? Must be the cool and scary one named “Angel”. 🙂
Somehow Wave’s cowboy post stuck with me and the combination came to me naturally. *g*
(I’ll never be able to read or watch a western with a straight face again, thanks to you Tam…)
LMAO!
I salute you Tam. What would we do without your willingness to research these things for us.
BTW, am scarred for life with the balloon animals. Kids’ parties are never going to be the same for me again. 🙂
You’ll never look at clowns the same way again Jen. 🙂
I actually found this video just this morning. How to make one of those stress balls using a condom and flour.
The video is hilarious… thanks for sharing it.
Thanks Jeffrey. There are some funny scripted out-takes on YouTube as well.
“Condoms save lives, in more ways than one.”
To store water, that’s a great idea. 😉
Great post Tam!
Thanks Aliens.
You are one kinky woman! What would we do without you to show us the way. 🙂 I am but a student compared to you Tam.
But you’re my inspiration Wave. 🙂
Ha, ha, Tam! Too funny, especially number #3!
As a woman who can wield a gun Val I thought you might appreciate that one.
😀
Here, by the way, is the exact page for the condom-clothing post: http://kzsnow.blogspot.com/2010/01/castanets-wardrobe-shopping-spree.html
I think they’d make nifty holders for a lot of things, since they’re so expandable and strong. Just tack ’em all over the kitchen walls, for example, and organize your utensils.
Thanks for the proper link KZ and your idea has merit. At about a buck a piece it’s a good organizational tool for young people just starting out. 😀
Too much time on your hands, Tam? Wave, give her more books to review.
Love the video as well!
No no, John, no books for me. I’m just like the site court jester, just here for the fun.
Too much time? Very likely. LOL
I can now honestly say that I know more about condoms and their “uses” than I ever thought I should…I mean would know lol! This was great! Who says you can’t teach an old hag new “tricks”! I am off to find out if I can make a poodle *grins*
I aim to educate Elaine. If you have success with that poodle take a pic for us. 🙂
LOL
I’ll keep these in mind! I have a LOT of expired condoms from back when I was kept lonely and without sex, and I never did know what to do with ’em. I could throw them away, but that would deeply upset unsuspecting housemates…
Glad I was able to offer some ideas for those old condoms Nic. Wouldn’t want them to go to waste. 🙂